Relying on God

I recent weeks I have been struggling with the issue of what to do with my life. I have felt stalled with where I am at, and been wrestling with God on where I should go from here. In the process of trying to do something, anything but just staying the course, I have toyed with several ideas for how to re-shape my life. I have tried thinking of start ups that I can do I my own time, looked at going back to school, looked at all sorts of activities that I could become part of, and none if it ever panned out. Even this blog has been part of my search for something new. I have asked for prayer on this topic on many occasions and received several words and visions that I believe did come from God. I was told by one person that they saw image of me as a restless bull running in one direction only to stop and then tear off in another direction. They said that God would show me where to run. Another person told me that they saw my life as a roller coaster and it was currently slowly climbing that first big hill, and nearing the top, where it would finally go over the edge. Another person told me that God was saying to them that I have a very good mind, but that it is not the only gift that God has given me or wants me to use. Yet another person told me that God was saying that there was something that I had shelved for a later date that I should take off the shelf. And the last word that I received on the subject was that the person had a vision of me trying to remove a heavy tarp in order to see what was underneath. But the tarp was too heave for me. They then told me that God wants to help me lift this tarp, and reveal His plan.

Having all of this on my mind has been exhausting. But I believe that I have finally come up with the answer, which I am going to share in the hope that it will be useful to those of you still following my blog as well.

Yesterday I was talking with my mom and we found that we were both reading the book of Leviticus. We talked about the laws of cleanliness, and I suggested that maybe not all of the laws had any real connection to living healthy, although some of them certainly do. Instead I thought that they might be more akin to the laws about clothing and how the Jews were to cut their hair, which was done to set them apart as God's people. It may have been obedience for the sake of obedience. And God promised that if they were obedient He would bless them. I believe that God does this as a way of reminding His people that their success does not come from themselves, but from Him.

This had me thinking about the patriarchs of the faith. For the most part they simply moved to where God told them to go, or in some cases found them selves enslaved (Joseph), or fleeing for their lives (Jacob). And then wherever they were they were obedient to God, and He blessed them in all that they did. Not once does the Bible mention a cunning plan that one of them came up with the raise the best sheep, or harvest the fullest crops.

And now I've been looking back at my life, and the opportunities that I've had. And in basically all cases, I made my cunning plans for how I would find a job, or a new job, or get a better contract, etc. And in every single case, my plans were all in vain. Instead, God opened the way for me, which is to say I was contacted for my job by people that I had not applied to. I got my current contract not by any plan of mine, but because my boss revised it and re-sent it to me.

And this is my answer. I don't have to figure out some amazing plan for what to do next. I don't have to risk going back to school only to find that is not where God was leading. I am at the bank of the Red Sea, and I have been trying to plot out the best path to swim across it. But that is not how God has chosen to work in my life. Instead He is asking me to stay at the bank, and when the time is right He will part the Sea for me. And when He does, I will be ready, and I will run as hard as I can across that divide, but further attempts to swim across by myself would certainly only result in my drowning.